What I wish I knew when I started college | Collab with Behind the Schmile

Hello #FashionableHumans!

How are you guys doing on this fine Sunday? Stellar, I hope!

Today, our post will be a little different. It is a collab with the awesome Tisha from BehindtheSchmile, and it is kind of a questions/answers mixed up with a dash of “What I wish I could tell my younger self”. Makes sense? No? Read on.

You guys mostly know me as Dafrastar. While this is who I am on this blog, there is obviously a plethora of real-life things that I never mentioned on here. Let’s pick one of those up today and peel off a few layers— almost a decade later: my college/university experience. Time fucking flies.

How did I end up in the US for college? 

I immigrated to the United States when I was 19, in the quest for a well-rounded college education— like many others. Amidst many a struggle, I completed my undergraduate degree in the middle of the financial crisis (of course, I had to have a major in FINANCE ). Obviously, at that point, finding a job in my field sucked major ass, so I ended up working in marketing (which I had been dabbling in for a while, and found significantly more rewarding.) That worked out for about a year, so I bit the bullet and headed back to grad school to get an MBA— with hopes of switching careers for good. After that, I moved to the West Coast and I have been here ever since, pursuing a career in digital marketing. Best decision ever.

If the paragraph above is any indication, one’s career seems to rarely work as planned; mine surely didn’t. Most bright eyed and bushy tailed freshmen don’t know shit (and yes, there are amazing exceptions, but I am talking about gen-pop here, myself included). Students often have to rely on what their parents told them to do.  I sure was; who do you think wanted me to become a banker? Mommy dearest.

As a result, I experienced my fair share of panic attacks when life’s twists and turns hit me— squarely in the jaw. I watched in horror as the stock market (and my hopes of an entry-level job on Wall Street) plummeted beyond recognition, months shy of my graduation. I despaired after receiving rejection email after rejection email, for internships and jobs alike. I freaked out when awakening to who I really was and what I really wanted, and struggled to reconcile that persona with what I thought a finance professional was like. I could go on, but you get the gist.

However, somehow, in the midst of all that chaos, shit worked out. Looking back, I still believe there had to be some magical force guiding me to be where I am today, even if that meant failing at what I thought I wanted THEN. Therefore, the gist of my answers to Tisha is:

“It will be okay; if not, you will learn from it. No need to be scared.”

(By the way, my experience may not be the same as yours, and you may disagree with me. I would love to hear about it in the comments!)

Thoughts on Tisha’s points

 

Grades:

Will not matter in 5 years– but the way you get them will.

Grades are not important in themselves. School really is NOT about you having good grades, but instead about teaching you a set of skills that generally leads you to have good grades: time management, discipline, resourcefulness. Unfortunately, there is no degree in hustling, so that A in Biology will have to do.

What I wish someone would  have taught me

Aim for good grades, but cramming your way there defeats the purpose- you are learning nothing AND are failing to invest in yourself.

Develop good habits through your college career, and good grades will come. (Good habits are also way more useful on the job than the ability to cram.) Moreover— grades really do not really matter after your first job. Even better: nail a couple of good internships, and your 1st employer may even overlook a crappy GPA (A 1.8 is NOT overlook-able though, so please don’t use that excuse to dick around.)

Blogger @Dafrastar shares her college experience and learnings
Undergrad graduation, with mom
Work:

Will matter in 5 years— no way around this one.

This one is hard, and I agree with Tisha– I was secretly hyperventilating while walking across the stage because I graduated (both times) with no offers in hand. TBH, I was also a bit of a fatalist and heavily leaned on my immigration status to justify me not getting through interviews. While there was definitely some truth to that point, I see things a little differently today. I love to believe that I was a hard worker, but I can see now that lost sight of what was important and focused on just making it through. I indeed put myself through my last 2 years of college and worked 80 hours per week in addition to school. I had no friends outside of a very small group, experienced nothing new and just put my head down and tried to survive. When I “awoke” to try to find a job in my last semester, I was waaaay behind people who had been networking and interning for 4 years.

 

What I wish someone would have told me

It is never too early to start looking.

It is important to go to networking events, contact people/alumni killing it in their careers, start putting together a polished resume, connect with your parents’ friends and then with their friends; leave no stone unturned! In addition to this, getting close to professors is always a good idea– they have industry knowledge AND industry friends! Keeping your head down is admirable, but not smart.

To keep the confusion and panic away, I would also remind myself that college is made to get exposure to as many different experiences as possible. If you are bored with your major, pick a minor that sparks more interest (but please do not lose sight of your goals.) Request an independent study in an area of your major that may not be taught in school (you are paying top dollar for that education, so it better provide you with what you need.). Start a blog about something fun.

While these things seem random, they are all ways to 1) discover what you really want to do and 2) build up your resume with interesting projects that may help you stand out of the crowd.

I’m not just BS-ing you either: I personally requested an independent study in Digital Marketing during my MBA, because it was not taught in class. I started a fashion blog (yep, it was also called Dafrastar), I used Google Adwords credits to learn how to create search ads for my blog and just hustled my way into understanding online marketing through a hands-on approach. Based on feedback from my interviewers, I can stand here today and tell you FOR SURE that those extra-curricular activities ARE what I owe my first job in online marketing to. Real talk.

Blogger @Dafrastar shares her college experience and learnings
Master’s graduation
Reputation/ Social status/ Relationships

COULD matter in 5 years (mostly won’t), but the way you navigate them can determine your standards in the future;  don’t let yourself down.

School is a micro-ecosystem in which everyone has to survive and hopefully flourish. Some of that flourishing will be through new friends/ relationships. For most, this is the first time away from home, the first time away from family, and the first time they can hang out with whomever they want without parental supervision. While this can be a heady feeling, the truth is that very few of these seemingly intense relationships will pass the test of time— and that’s okay!

What I wish someone would have told me

There is a whole world ahead of you after college.

 

I broke up with my long-term boo (we are talking nine years of dating here) 2 weeks after graduating from undergrad, so I really wish someone was there to remind me of that then. I wasn’t especially sad because it was not the greatest union, but I was still in my feelings a bit.

Today, I know that there is fun, laughter, throbbing hearts, nasty backstabbing, heartbreak and sometimes even loss throughout those 4 college years. However, guess what: even the shitty experiences are needed, because they forge character. Keep one thing in mind: you are forging your adult personality, so do not accept anything you would not want your future self to tolerate. College is a large enough environment to distance yourself from bullies, make friends with people from different backgrounds and expand your horizons beyond what your parents taught you. Mingle with the computer whiz kids, the musicians, the pre-med majors, anyone who will talk to you. I am not saying be desperate, I am saying be OPEN. Also, be nice, have integrity and do not let anyone treat you like dirt (friends or romantic interests). Aaaaand if you’re gonna be a hoe, use condoms. Please, for the love of baby Jesus in a manger.

Blogger @Dafrastar shares her college experience and learnings
Then boyfriend, now husband. Met him a year after breakup mentioned above.
Mental Health

Will matter in 5 years and forever, really

People do not realize that depression and overwork/ burnout are very real in the student community. Just because we make fun of it does not make it okay; we are supposed to take care of ourselves.

My college career was like a like a Formula 1 race: super fast, with a ton of work happening behind the wheel. I never gave myself the right to rest, because I was poor and HAD to work to eat and go to school. I worked myself to the bone because I assumed that diligence was the only thing that would get me places. While true, overwork also landed me in the school infirmary, haggard (and then sobbing uncontrollably) on a Monday afternoon in my senior year. I was prescribed anti-depressants and sent to an emergency appointment at the hospital. I ended up refusing the medication and forcing myself back to health by traveling and cutting hours at work (I do not recommend neglecting medical advice, by the way). I did fail a class for the first time ever that semester (saw my Summa Cum Laude slip right away from my grasp), but I survived.

What I wish someone would have told me

It is okay to rest. Vacations are not only for other people. Sleep is a thing, you know? You cannot work three jobs and maintain a 4.0. Heartbreak sucks, but it will pass. You need to take care of your health, it’s the most precious thing you have. 

This last point is likely the most important. Without it, everything crumbles to dust.

A couple of final points:
  • Learn professionalism
    • Show up on time, give your best, overdeliver and make sure you are always a valuable asset. That is a lifelong battle. You do not become hardworking all of a sudden because you land a job. You have to work at being hardworking.
  • Study abroad!!!!!
    • If you can, pack that suitcase and go! Just… go. The world awaits! Also, never stop traveling if you can.

Soooo- dassit for this post! Do you have any college advice for your younger self? Drop it in the comments! Also make sure to read Tisha’s post– our POVs are really complimentary, and her post is so much fun! Thanks again Tisha, for allowing me to collborate with you on this!

Thanks so much for stopping by today guys!

Until Next time,

D

 

10 Random Facts about Me

Hello hello #fashionablehumans!

By the way- we are coining this expression. I checked Instagram and this hashtag only has, like, 3 posts- dassit, we’re taking it.

How have you guys been, and how was your holiday? Did you travel to go see family, or did you host?  Personally, I have been super busy yet super happy!  Life is good and I am overflowing with gratitude; I just need to remember to pray more often, swear less and drink my water (as of right now I am drinking wine tho).

Blogger @Dafrastar sharing 10 Random facts about her, rocking Missguided, Stuart Weitzman and Moon River . More on the blog!So- in spite of me yapping for paragraphs on each single one of my posts,  I realized last week that you guys really do not know much about me at all. I was prepping to post my last look from London, and I seized the opportunity to write a bit of a more personal post! To be honest- as much as I love fashion, I often feel that posts only focusing on clothing can be a little dry. For example, I am enjoying the heck out of my Fall 2017 Trends series; however, I also love to share some personal learnings and experiences as well.

Blogger @Dafrastar sharing 10 Random facts about her, rocking Missguided, Stuart Weitzman and Moon River . More on the blog!I have seen the “10 random things about me” tag floating around for quite a while. I never fail to read one; I feel like they give me a neat insight into who people really are, social media/ blogger personas aside. Like- they can speak fluent Russian, are amateur salsa dancers or cosplayed as Sailor Moon last year at Comicon. That shit is just so cool to me!

Sooooo I am trying my hand at it. Let me know if anything surprises you, if you knew everything or if we have some things in common!

10 Random things about me

  1. I am an only child. I feel like that has molded me into being someone who is not at all afraid of loneliness. I am really good at entertaining myself, and I am honestly rarely (if ever) bored.  The main downside to this is that I tend to assume others function the same way; I pack my days full of activities, often forgetting to bake in time to spend with other people.
  2. I love books. I easily read 1-2 MEATY books per month; at some point, I was really into fiction and finished a book every weekend like clockwork. I do not discriminate as far as genres are concerned: fiction, romance, mystery, self-help, nutrition, fitness, professional development, even prose (I cannot last through that shit though, it hurts my brain). The last opened books in my Kindle app currently are:

“Necessary Restorations” by Kate Canterbary (finished it- I love the whole Walsh series and read every book twice, don’t judge me- or judge away, whatever lol)

“Strong Curves” by Bret Contreras and Kellie Davis (just started today, I am very excited about the workouts in this book)

A sample of “Algorithms to Live by: The Computer Science of Human Decisions” by Brian Christian & Tom Griffiths (not started- I actually bought it for a friend in paperback and grabbed a Kindle sample for myself to check it out. She’s smart, so I am sure anything she picks is a good book)

“Drive: The Surprising Truth about what Motivates Us” by Daniel Pink (I’m on the last few chapters, good learnings)

“Outliers: The Story of Success” by Malcolm Gladwell (finished it, very easy read but pretty interesting; can’t wait to read another one of his books.)

  1. I speak 3 languages fluently, and English is the 3rd one. Dioula (my mother tongue, pronounced dee-oo-luh ) and French were the first languages I spoke. I did not start speaking English daily until I was 19 years old, when I moved to the US for college.
  2. I LOVE the Harry Potter series. I have watched every single one of the movies maybe 10 times and I own every single one of the books (as physical copies and in kindle format). I judge anyone who cannot say “wingardium leviosa”, or worse- who has no idea what it means.
  3. Finding jeans is extremely hard for me because I have a short torso and longer legs. I am also 5″11, which does not help. I need an inseam of 35″- 36″to be comfortable, which greatly limits my choices. Oh, and I have a shoe size of 11. Fun.
  4. When I was 19, I competed in a TV show akin to the French version of Jeopardy. I made it to the finals and won a lot of books and chocolate (It was around Easter). I lost to a history teacher, so I was honestly cool with it- listen, I was still perplexed as to how I made it that far.
  5. I got married twice… to the same man. My husband is Indian, so we had a regular wedding with the white dress, cake, bridesmaids etc. and an Indian wedding where I wore a red lehenga. It was fucking epic.
  6. I have a speech impediment; I have been stuttering since I was 6. It does not bother me that much in daily life; as a matter of fact, I have had A LOT of years to practice concealing it, so many people have no idea. I did go to speech therapy for it and got better, but I have since relapsed. I really should go again.
  7. I cannot drink coffee- It is BITTER!!!!! How do you guys do it??? I tried so many times, and I just can’t. Nope. I understand that people can have a taste for it, I appreciate the amount of work that goes into bean selection and roasting, but the beverage itself is just FOUL to me. I love the smell of a freshly brewed pot though.
  8. I do not watch TV. Like none. I do watch Netflix here and there (usually to keep my ears busy when I’m doing my hair), but I do not have the commitment to sit in front of the TV for anything. Everything that I know about TV personalities, I found out on social media. For world news, I catch up pretty easily via a triangulation of Twitter, FB, news apps, Reddit and my husband lol.

There you go, this is it!

Here are more photos of my outfit below, as well as a quick 411:

Blogger @Dafrastar sharing 10 Random facts about her, rocking Missguided, Stuart Weitzman and Moon River . More on the blog!

  • Top: Black sheer bodysuit; used it several times on the blog, here and here for example. It’s from AliExpress and is available here. I love it so much I actually bought two more; one identical and one with a crew neck. The utility I get out of these is amazing- I wore the older one maybe 10 times, and that nets out to less than $1 per wear.
  • Boots: Another blog favorite, here and here. They are the Stuart Weitzman LeggyLady, mostly sold out everywhere but here’s a similar pair here.
  • Blazer: First feature on the blog, but wore it several times already! It is from Missguided, and it is a much much much more affordable version of this one by Balmain; found out about it from a Jennie Jenkins fashion haul, and I have seen the Balmain blazer on Folake from Style Pantry several times in the past years (here, here). EVERY. TIME she wears it, it is DROOL WORTHY. That woman can DRESS. Anyway, back to our train of thought–this Missguided blazer has none of the structure its higher-end cousin benefits from (Jennie compares both in her video, at 10:23– you’re welcome )- but it is a cute blazer, it looks nice with jeans/ minis/ shorts and has a good length. I also scored it for 50% off during a random sale by Missguided, yay!  I will say though- mine is a little too large for my taste, and I wish I had sized down. (Got an 8, and I am an 8 in real life as well.)
  • Shorts: those corduroy shorts were a totally random purchase from Nordstrom Rack, and they were $10!!! They are here, and I also just found a pair on Poshmark (they are from a brand called Moon River).  I will highlight that I wear them back to front because they have cargo pockets in the front, which makes little to no sense to me. Like, why do we need crotch framing pockets? No one needs to highlight their nether regions that badly, and back pockets make MUCH more sense. They are super comfy though, super sassy and overall awesome. I wore them 2 or 3 times when I was in the UK (bought them the day before my trip).

Blogger @Dafrastar sharing 10 Random facts about her, rocking Missguided, Stuart Weitzman and Moon River . More on the blog!

That is it for this blog post! As always, thanks a lot for stopping by and hanging out with me. I would like to tag Shannon from Champagne at Shannon’s, Tisha from Behind the Schmile, Debbie from To Thine Own style be True, Antonia from the Midwest Wife , Yawa from Stilettos and Pearls , Josie from Petite + Bold  and Louisa from La Passion Voûtée to take a stab at it, as well as all of you! If you do it, please leave your link below- I would love to read your list!

Look captured by @mishmash_photography at the Tower of London.

Until next time!

With Love,
D