3 Tips to Get Back on Track after Failure

Wassup wassup #fashionablehumans !

Just came home from sunny Ouagadougou, where I was to celebrate my cousin’s wedding!!!! I was super excited to be back home, see my parents, family and friends, and also EAT EVERYTHING! Real talk, by the week before I left, I had already sent my mom a list of allllll the things I needed to eat during my stay. I came correct!

Blogger @Dafrastar discusses tips to remain motivated, wearing a monochromatic look with a mini leather skirt, suede boots and a fringed top. Monochromatic look, monochromatic inspiration, suede boots, fringe, fringed top, fringe inspiration, black fashion blogger, African Fashion blogger

While I am super fortunate to travel often (this trip brought my count to 4 countries and 4 continents in the past 6 months), being on the go all the time takes its toll, and unfortunately‚ÄĒ Dafrastar often gets the short end of the stick (I have not posted in a fucking month). I often find myself falling asleep at my computer (like right now ūüėā) while blogging. I also mostly work at night, so sometimes I don’t even make it to my computer AT ALL. While I believe that resolutions are obsolete (you may read more on that here), I do have serious goals for the blog in 2018. For example, I aim to post quality content twice a week (as well as stick to a Tuesday & Friday uploading schedule). I believe and trust I will eventually succeed at this, but MAN has it been challenging. I can confidently say I have failed at it so far.

Blogger @Dafrastar discusses tips to remain motivated, wearing a monochromatic look with a mini leather skirt, suede boots and a fringed top. Monochromatic look, monochromatic inspiration, suede boots, fringe, fringed top, fringe inspiration, black fashion blogger, African Fashion blogger

Needless to say, some days I just feel an overwhelming annoyance with myself. How dare¬†I need more than 4 hours of sleep a day? How come I do not have a perfectly organized editorial calendar, with content planned for the next zillion weeks? How come I can’t churn out twelve viral posts per minute, while also slaying my career, keeping full edges and rocking clear skin? WHY? Ugh.

The summary of this tirade is: sometimes I get fucking tired and discouraged of failing at my goals. Life is pretty much the art of juggling shit,¬† and one invariably has to fall behind somewhere. For me, not hitting my posting schedule for the blog makes me anxious. Anxiety, in turn, makes me catatonic and prone to avoidance; I just want to give everything up and run away. I guess that’s why the expression “falling off the wagon” exists… We all have lives, and side hustles/hobbies don’t always get much love. They eventually end up choo-chooing their way away from our overwhelmed asses.

(…) side hustles/hobbies don’t always get much love. They eventually end up choo-chooing away from our overwhelmed asses.

Therefore, some days I do have to dig deeeep to remain motivated/ get back on track after failing. The tips below help me do it and remain somewhat sane; they are how this blog post is live today, and how many more will see the light of day. These tips apply to everything in life, as far as I am concerned: exercise routines, nutrition, dance classes, skin care… pretty much anything in your life requiring continuous commitment and effort. Let’s jump into it!

Blogger @Dafrastar discusses tips to remain motivated, wearing a monochromatic look with a mini leather skirt, suede boots and a fringed top. Monochromatic look, monochromatic inspiration, suede boots, fringe, fringed top, fringe inspiration, black fashion blogger, African Fashion blogger

1- The path to success is not straight. The ones who make it are the ones who understand that failure is part of the game.

 

This is something we should all remember more often.

 

You likely saw this picture around the internet somewhere. Success and failure go hand in hand; that’s just the truth. Even the greatest athletes have off days, weeks or even years. Does that mean they should stop? Nope, and neither should you. Consistency is hard and we are all bound to fall short sometimes. That said, it is also our duty to refuse to get used to failure. We have to accept it and learn from it, but more than everything, we have to let it fuel our comeback. I will be the first one to admit that failure sucks. Up until this day, not succeeding at something leaves a horrible taste in my mouth. That said, in 2017, I learned to hold myself to high standards and not let failure define me. It was such a liberating moment! I pretty much gave myself the permission to fail as long as I kept getting up and trying harder. Guess what: the areas of my life I applied this rule to¬†saw more success in 2017 than any other year before.

LESSON: Do not focus that much on the “Falling” part of the story; it is the “Getting Up” part that matters.

Consistency is hard and we are all bound to fall short sometimes. That said, it is also our duty to refuse to get used to failure. (…)¬†Do not focus that much on the “Falling” part of the story; it is the “Getting Up” part that matters.

Blogger @Dafrastar discusses tips to remain motivated, wearing a monochromatic look with a mini leather skirt, suede boots and a fringed top. Monochromatic look, monochromatic inspiration, suede boots, fringe, fringed top, fringe inspiration, black fashion blogger, African Fashion blogger

2- Remember: Progress is much better than perfection

This is squarely targeted to people who also suffer from my ailment, the accursed disease of perfection. In our heads, we are failing everyone including the Queen of England if we do not execute things exactly at the time we planned them, with grace, poise and excellence. However, life (and especially work) taught me that the sentence above is the devil, and the devil is a lie. Think about it: visualize yourself making a quilt, or a sweater, or some other shit that requires a large time investment. Making a quilty-square (you know exactly what I’m trying to say) per day may be your initial goal, but you may end up making 4 squares a week (because life), or a couple of your squares could be kind of crooked. Do you stop quilting because your output isn’t perfect? NO, THAT WOULD BE SILLY. You would keep sewing that shit until it was done and chilling on your guest room bed. That analogy applies to life: a crooked quilty square does not mean you stop; it means you learn where to put your needle to make better squares and keep it moving.

LESSON: Slower than planned does not mean stagnant. Hang in there and try to speed up; if you can’t,¬† still hang in there. Think of any hard project as a master quilting project.

Slower than planned does not mean stagnant. Hang in there and try to speed up; if you can’t, still hang in there. Think of any hard project as a master quilting project.¬†Do you stop quilting because your output isn’t perfect? NO, THAT WOULD BE SILLY.

Blogger @Dafrastar discusses tips to remain motivated, wearing a monochromatic look with a mini leather skirt, suede boots and a fringed top. Monochromatic look, monochromatic inspiration, suede boots, fringe, fringed top, fringe inspiration, black fashion blogger, African Fashion blogger

3- You likely learned a thing or two on your break.

Let’s assume you took an unplanned break from working towards your dream, or maybe stayed on the ground a little longer than usual (due to a particularly vicious setback). Guess what? Chances are, you will get back on the horse with a refreshed mind, renewed purpose, or even better ideas/more drive than before. Anyone who ever had to work on a creative project can attest to the fact that walking away for a while does wonders for the brain. It helps you reset, think about things differently, and maybe even finally grasp something that kept eluding you before. While this is not reason enough to take a hiatus, it is definitely a non-negligible benefit.

LESSON: If you fall hard, realize that the unplanned break will still bring you benefits. Use them to the max; make that setback count!

Anyone who ever had to work on a creative project can attest to the fact that walking away for a while does wonders for the brain. If you fall hard, realize that the unplanned break will still bring you benefits. Use them to the max; make that setback count!

Hang in there, peeps. Just hang in there, and never think that falling off the wagon does not mean you can catch the next train. Bonus: you may even ride in the first class coach.

Blogger @Dafrastar discusses tips to remain motivated, wearing a monochromatic look with a mini leather skirt, suede boots and a fringed top. Monochromatic look, monochromatic inspiration, suede boots, fringe, fringed top, fringe inspiration, black fashion blogger, African Fashion blogger

On to the outfit we are rocking today! This look was initially shot as a part of my Fall 2017 Trends series, to represent for the fringe and fishnets trends. Never got around to posting it. Welp.

The top: I LOVE it (featured in my sequin skirt lookbook as well). It has the right balance of sass and comfort, and I love that the drama is limited to the sleeves (dunno why, but I dig that shit.) I will likely wear it until it falls apart. That said, I still can’t find a link to it for the life of me, so here are 2 similar options here and here. Sowee!

The skirt: I am also in love with this puppy. It is a simple faux leather A-line mini skirt from Zara, and it can be worn so many ways. Maybe I should feature it in a post?…ūü§Ē¬†I rocked it with a turtleneck, an¬†oversized shirt, a tee, a sheer bodysuit… it can do it all. I even wore it with thick tights and a sweater to work, and upped the casual vibe with some sneakers. I’m telling you, it is a jack of all trades.

The boots: they are the Steve Madden Gorgeous, and they are bae; I spoke about them here, and somehow never got a chance to feature them on the blog until now. They are a size 10 (I wear 10.5) so they are a smidgen tight but manageable. I love them with jeans, they make my legs look a mile long.

The fishnets: pretty ordinary ones, get the job done. I would have bought cuter ones if I had given it more thought.

That’s it for this post folks! Please tell me below; how do you manage to get shit done, or how do you motivate yourself to keep going after you fall? Let’s share tips so we can all crush goals this year!

Until next time,

With Love,

D

4 genius ways to wear a sequin maxi skirt

Wassup #fashionablehumans !!!!

It’s a beautiful day today in the Bay (I am full of shit- I am currently in Asia so there could very well be a blizzard in San Francisco and I would be none the wiser); how are you guys doing? Stellar, I hope!

So the holidays are around the corner! Y’all about to be hitting parties and shit, drinking champagne (or vodka, whiskey,¬† beer or sparkly apple juice- I equally support all beverage choices) and looking super cute. It’s time for all the LBDs to come out of hiding, the ugly sweaters, and even the gowns. It is truly the most glamorous time of the year, unless for those of you who get to go to balls and galas often (let it be known that I am very jealous of you.)

That said, guess who (or really, what) will also be everywhere this holiday season? Sequins. Listen‚ÄĒ these guys have somehow branded themselves as THE accessory to rock at every glam party, and guess what: I’m not mad at them. Therefore, even though sequins are the Starbucks of holiday wear (they are every-fucking-where), they are also… well, the Starbucks of holiday wear (reasonably expected to provide decent coffee¬† glam through your holiday party circuit.) They deserve some respek!

Last tangent, I swear; I’ll get into the outfits in a minute, but who here remembers the first time they saw sequins? My earliest memories of seeing sparkly dresses are linked to music stars; when I was 4-5, I remember seeing a sequin dress on the Ivorian singer Nayanka Bell at a live show. She was also wearing bedazzled shoes like these and that WAS IT‚ÄĒ sequins became the highest level of glam one could achieve in my mind, kind of like the Super Saiyan of clothing. I did change my mind since then though, thankfully.

So since sequins are LIT, I am bringing about a quadruple threat of sequined attire today;¬†y’all¬†better watch out! (I mean not really, it just sounded good in the sentence). Sequin mermaid maxi skirts are all over Pinterest and I¬†definitely felt like I needed one in my wardrobe after seeing them featured in some pretty amazing outfits. Plus‚ÄĒ sequins have started making their way into weddings too, so I am justifying my purchase by the fact that they will be in fashion for a while more, hence calling this skirt an investment. Boom. See how easy it is to rationalize doubtful decisions? Please don’t be like me.

Let’s hit that sequin extravaganza!

The rocker chic sequin skirt look / Girls holiday bash

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

This look is for the girl who cannot be too bothered with a super duper glam outfit. She’s cool, will rock a little bit of sequin, but needs to balance the look out with something edgy. I would wear this out to a holiday bash with my girls because, while I love sequins, the leather jacket ups the casual/rocker chic factor and helps the look not cross into “overdressed” territory. Moreover, I am also rocking a tube top here; kinda hard to try any less. Don’t get me wrong, I overdress often and enjoy the heck out of it, but I also find a¬†certain understated elegance in dressing super fancy items down. Truth is, I wanted to wear this look with silver sneakers, but I forgot to change shoes and shot with black pumps instead‚ÄĒ which still works.

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion bloggerWhat I am wearing: Skirt, here (Alana is awesome); jacket, thrifted; similar here, here, here, and if you are up for it, hit Poshmark; tube top, here; shoes, here, hoops: here
The sophisticated sequin skirt look/ Holiday gala

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

This look is all about playing with textures, in this case contrasting the fringe with the sequins. I think it is likely the most “haute” look of all four, and I find the result to be very regal; for some reason, sequins and fringe go very well together in my opinion (even though I have seen some less than optimal pairings.) This look is for the girl who is bold, yet calmly confident. While guaranteed to be a head turner, it is also very polished (reminds me of this Marchesa gown a bit.). I would wear this at a fancy holiday party with a dress code from Festive to Black Tie (I learned these for this post, I did not even know Festive existed until 5 minutes ago)

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion bloggerWhat I am wearing: Top: ZARA- for some strange reason, I can find it nowhere, even though I bought it this season. Here is a couple of similar ones: here and here; Belt, here. Same shoes as above.
The classy sequin skirt look/ Office Holiday Party

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

This is literally (WAY) the dressed up version of an office look. A sequin skirt has enough drama to stand on its own, so to make it a tad more formal, adding a blazer could be a great move. In this very case, I feel like a jacket with some interesting elements would make the look stand out even more; the blazer I am using features power shoulders, double lapels and a high-low peplum in the back. Okay- that’s a lot, but it works! I also accentuated my waist with a leather obi belt- looks fun and cinches me in, since my jacket is actually one size too large.

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

Shoe-wise, I would pair this look with simple black shoes- sandals or pumps. I am not a matchy-matchy person (actually, I find the process of matching anything abhorrent), but you guys know black is BAE. I will highlight that Folake from Style Pantry has featured a similar look years ago– check it out! I honestly did not even realize I was channeling her until I had put my outfit together.

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion bloggerWhat I am wearing: Blazer: Amazon, featured here– it is my favorite blazer; Belt, very old, no idea where it’s from. Similar here and here. Same shoes as above.

 

The monochromatic sequin skirt look/ NYE Glam Party

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

When in doubt, just go monochromatic. It elevates all looks to the status of super polished without even trying. I have been really into monochromatic dressing this year (see here, here, and here), and I do not see myself stoppin anytime soon.

I knew I wanted a monochromatic component in this roundup, but I also kind of wanted to highlight my waist (also I do not have any silver shoes, LOL). I ended up breaking the look a bit with a belt, as well as accessorizing the ‘fit with black sleek sandals. As far as purse choices, I bounced back between 2: a simple black clutch, and a sassier silver bedazzled number (graciously offered to me by my friend K. on my birthday). This look is the quintessential NYE look in my mind: shiny, breezy and classy. I can literally see a glass of champagne in my hands in these photos; can’t you?

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion bloggerFashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion bloggerWhat I am wearing: Bodysuit: H&M, thrifted- listings of the same one here¬†(M) and here (S); similar here, here¬†and here. Belt: here; Shoes: Steve Madden Stecy,¬†here; clutch, Francesca’s; silver version of this one.¬†Black clutch, very old; similar woven detail here¬†and interesting option here.

Alright- a quick roundup of each item, and we’re dunzo.

  • Skirt: Love it. Had it made to my own measurements in gunmetal by Etsy seller LoveAlanaSparkle. Great experience, but the sequins are sharp as hell and I would recommend hoisery or thin leggings underneath. A plus if it’s cold anyway.
  • Tube top: I mean , it’s a tube top. Opaque enough, no support if you’re busty. Stretchy spandex-like fabric.
  • Fringed top: Love it, featuring it in an upcoming post as well. The middle part is t-shirt like, so I would say it’s a little cheaper than I would like, but it makes up for it in pozzazz. Still can’t find the link, options above.
  • Pumps: Featured several times on the blog (1, 2, 3). I still hate them.
  • Sandals: They are cute but not meant for wider feet. Featured here¬†too.
  • Belt: Nice wide belt, snaps in the back. Would not recommend for a waist smaller than 28, if you are going for the “cinched¬†in ” look.
  • Blazer: Great peplum blazer with fun accents. It is my favorite blazer.
  • Clutch: Love it, it’s very shiny and therefore stands out. Have not taken it out yet, so I cannot speak to how much it holds.

Dassit!

Thanks, as usual, for stopping by! Drop me a note and let me know which look you would rock!

Until next time,

With Love,

D

 

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

 

Fashion blogger @Dafrastar details 4 ways to wear a sequin skirt. More on www.dafrastar.com Sequin skirt, sequins, holiday look, sequin maxi dress, sequin outfit inspiration, holiday outfit, maxi skirt inspiration, black fashion blogger

No, I do not owe you a smile | Red sequin skirt and one shoulder top

*Hits a 1-2 step, twirls* OW!

People, we made it to Friday! I am so excited about this post, not because I have anything groundbreaking to share, really- but because I am wearing sequins! I look ready to party!

Sidenote: In reality, I am sitting at home with my hair in a puff, drinking peppermint tea and wearing a sheet mask. Classy.

 

Dafrastar wearing a red / burgundy midi pencil sequin skirt and a one shoulder long sleeve ruffled top from Zara

So I want to share something that upset me enough to still remember it after a couple of days. The other day, I was minding my own business on Instagram (a friend told me that the very nature of Instagram makes this sentence an oxymoron but WHATEVER) when a *gentleman* (I would like to say something else but Jesus died for my sins and I need to do better)  took upon himself to TELL ME under one of MY PICTURES that I should smile more. Excuse me Sir,  who sent you, and who exactly are you talking to?

Dafrastar wearing a red / burgundy midi pencil sequin skirt and a one shoulder long sleeve ruffled top from Zara

Truth is, I have realized that I rarely smile in pictures, especially blogging ones. I mean yeah, I sometimes do (the pics in this post are evidence enough), but posing is hard y’all! I am actually dying of laughter in the pic above because I attempted a cross legged model-esque pose @joyofodu¬†taught me, resulting in me almost rupturing my neck. This shit does not come naturally to anyone, at least not to me! I stay mean mugging because I need to focus on not falling on my face!

Anywho, that point notwithstanding, I still believe that I do NOT owe a smile to anyone, at any point of time, ever. Think about the guys who think they have the right to catcall in the streets, asking ladies to smile more? NO SIR, I wear my RBF with pride. Also, my teeth are busy at the moment.

Dafrastar wearing a red / burgundy midi pencil sequin skirt and a one shoulder long sleeve ruffled top from ZaraWhat I am wearing: Skirt, Nasty Gal or Asos, ¬†(old), similar here, here and here (this one costs as much as some people’s rent, and I am very confused as to why it exists); Top, ZARA, here, similar here; Shoes, Steve Madden, similar here. I got mine from DSW; Bag, Dili Haat, Delhi. Similar here

I generally get very aggravated when people tell me about shit women “should do more”, especially people who do not identify as female. Like, no. Just no.

You somehow thought highly enough of yourself to decide what another group of people you are not part of ought to be doing to please YOU more? Like wow… are you Idris Elba or Kofi Siriboe? No? Then go have several seats. As a matter of fact, go have an entire church pew of seats over there. (Idris or Kofi should not say anything like that either btw- not a good look.)

I will get into the outfit in a second, but a quick checklist for anyone who believes at any point of time that their opinion is needed on issues that do not concern them, or on a behavior that does not affect them (or anyone, for that matter):

  • How do you know better, if you are not part of the group in question, or walking in the target individual’s shoes?
  • Why are you an expert?
  • Did anyone ask for your opinion?
  • Are you just looking for people to fit your own ideologies?

I you answered shakily to any of these questions, see gif above. I (or anyone you are attempting to dole your tired wisdom at) am not responsible for making you feel comfortable. BYE.

Dafrastar wearing a red / burgundy midi pencil sequin skirt and a one shoulder long sleeve ruffled top from ZaraWhew . Okay, I’m done with the rant.

So- let’s move on to the outfit!

The skirt: I have owned this skirt for ages (I’ve had it so long that I actually featured it in an OOTD video in 2012 , when I was still on YouTube!) and it’s always been hard to make it work. I mean it’s pretty and all and the sequins sparkle, but the elastic waistband does a girl no favors. Like none. It will dig into your skin and give you a muffin top, with or without a shirt tucked in. It refuses to lay low like its other waistband-y friends and WILL MAKE ITS PRESENCE KNOWN. Which is why I would recommend a skirt without one, or at least without so much elastic tension.

The shirt¬†: it’s cool; ¬†this shoot was the first time I wore it. It’s comfortable, sturdy, not see through, and I would see myself wearing it more. It comes with a pencil skirt too, for when I want to be all matchy-matchy and classy and shit.

The shoes are Steve Madden (I have a problem with this guy, clearly. Perhaps it’s because the brand is sold a lot at DSW and has a size 11 that actually makes sense for my feet.) Their shoes are usually less than $50, last a while and generally look cute. Winner in my book!

The bag: Featured here as well; found a pretty close dupe, link above.

Dafrastar wearing a red / burgundy midi pencil sequin skirt and a one shoulder long sleeve ruffled top from ZaraDassit! We are done for today guys! Have a stellar weekend, and I will hopefully see you on Monday!

Thanks for stopping by!

D